Have You Ever Considered Not Giving a Shit?
A satire
Jesus Christ is it 2024 yet? Caring about war in the Middle East is soooooo 2023, and I hope this conflict won’t overstay its welcome. I was all in on Ukraine in ‘22. Zelensky got me caring about his war with Russia that February by being a total badass when the US offered him a ride to safety and he responded with “I need ammo, not a ride”. That kind of warrior spirit had me really caring about the Ukrainians, and then that war didn’t end, and the heroics gave way to the grueling grind of warfar that just isn’t as exciting when sharing on social media, and I started yearning for 2021 when I was rooting for the people in Mali fighting the French. That was a good old- fashioned struggle that was black and white on a number of levels.
And yeah, sure, Ukraine was a colony of Russia so it is anti-colonial, but something about Ukrainians left my progressive bonafides wanting….something else. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but whenever I’d look at Ukrainians I felt like SOMETHING was missing, but once I saw Palestinians suffering it all clicked into place for me — This is what a proper victim looks like, a victim for my social media feed to save! I found myself so involved with this conflict and how it reflected my American-centric worldview and validated my obsession with marginalization that fuels my every waking hour. I had found my cause for the year!
And then something unexpected happened — I began to question whether this obsession with concerning myself with conflicts that have nothing to do with me was worthwhile. Have I ever really cared about these foreign conflicts, or do I only care about how my caring makes others think of me? And how was this projecting my fragile ego onto world affairs affecting my psyche? I was losing sleep, my relationships were crumbling, and I’m pretty sure I’d missed a few bills.
But the Palestinians! I bet it would make me look so cool to college kids if I rooted for them! But what exactly am I standing up for? Nothing I can do here helps anybody involved in this conflict.
But was it ever really about helping people?
The question kept me up at night, tossing and turning, and glued to my phone desperately waiting for the next notification of someone liking my story or post. Surely my posts would lead to a ceasefire. Who doesn’t check their phones after a bombing? And all Americans know that nobody does anything in the world without 100% knowing for sure that Americans approve of their actions.
And then, one night, sleep deprived and surviving on little more than crackers and adrenaline, my questioning brain took over:
Sam, have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, you’d be a lot happier if you just didn’t give a shit?
The thought was so startling. But social media is life. I’m nobody without it.
But Sam, what if you found value in the real world? When was the last time you talked to a real human being? When was the last time you walked in nature? When was the last time you laughed? Most importantly, when was the last time you found value in yourself and not in the opinion of others?
The thoughts left me stunned, my blood-shot eyes widening as bits of cracker dangled from my cracked lips. I said, ok, I’ll try it. I put down my phone, closed my eyes, and cleared my mind of all concerns.
I slept like a baby.
In the morning, I left my house and walked around my entire neighborhood. A cool autumn breeze refreshed my face, children were playing in the distance. I saw an elderly couple on their porch, laughing, and I engaged them in a conversation and was shocked to realize that I could hold a conversation for 20 minutes without mentioning politics. It was almost as if life is about more than news stories.
I took myself out to lunch and made sure I went to a place without televisions, and actually enjoyed my food instead of mindlessly eating while doom scrolling. Afterwards, I took a shower for the first time since October 7, and shaved for the first time since then as well. God, I looked terrible, so I went to the gym, and then I went every day for the next week and felt so good. I avoided my phone, and the world seemed safe and happy. I began to focus on the way sunlight pours through window, watched squirrels and ducks in parks. I became productive at work again, and even paid my bills.
It was almost like, and I know this will sound insane, that by focusing on things I can control, and realizing that my life isn’t that bad or that empty, and that the concerns of things on the other side of the world have little to no effect on my daily life, that my stress declined, my health improved, my relationships flourished, and my happiness increased exponentially. I even met a girl who showed me that I can care about people without it being tied to anything self-serving beyond my love for them. I even opened a door for an old lady and didn’t expect anything from her, not even a thank you, and when she did thank me, I didn’t feel good or bad. I just acknowledged her and moved on with my life immediately. It sounds crazy, but not being self-centered is really satisfying.
I also began having conversations with people from different backgrounds, and not so I could brag about it to others, but because I wanted to. I even talked to people without thinking of them as marginalized or oppressed or any sort of victim, and it turns out they are joyful, funny people! As a white man, I couldn’t believe that it was possible for non-whites to matter when they aren’t victims!
One day, I was walking around, minding my business, and a political protest crossed the other side of an intersection. I felt a pang in my chest as I remembered the old days. I saw the vitriol and tension of this crowd of middle and upper class young people chanting slogans about problems that don’t concern them, and I felt sorry for them. I wondered how long it had been since they enjoyed this life that they spend so much time worrying about. I thought of saying something, but I should let them travel their own path. These foolish people, thinking the world is something you can change, or that whatever change you want is actually going to benefit others. I look at that life and it’s so hollow. All that outrage and for what? They’re not going to stop any wars or improve poverty. They’re just cogs in a wheel. And if I’m gonna be a cog in the wheel, I’m gonna do something I like, like eating ice cream, or watching a game with friends, or just having friends.
A free life is one that only takes on those challenges you can directly effect. We are small and insignificant, and thinking we are anything more than that is stupid. Like the great Bogart once said, “I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”