Bring Me the Head of 2023 (A Vision Board for 2024)
I woke up today, Dec 31, at 4:30am, and watched the last sunrise of the year after making coffee and breakfast and running to the store to get the last ingredients for our New Year’s lunch — I’m making the Boricua classic Sancocho — and watching the sunrise two and half hours later, tiredness hugging my brain, and my eyes fluttered as I sipped coffee. Instead of napping, I’m writing this, because if I had allowed exhaustion to prevent me from doing things, I never would have done anything this year.
While not the most tiring year of my life (that reward goes to when my children were babies), I feel the full weight of this year like few others. 2023 was all about effort and testing oneself. The effort to train for races while looking for steady work and figuring out the kind of career I want. I got into the best shape I’ve been in post-pandemic, setting goals and for the most part, achieving or beginning them. Navigating a year where I feel my relationships are moving in the right direction, whether with my friendships or my romantic relationship or with my kids, and still finding time to cuddle my cats.
I haven’t even mentioned the creative side of things, which were an absolute shit show. I thought about writing an entire essay on the ups and downs and personal pain I’ve felt trying to get Flamboyán off the ground and pursue a creative career in Denver, but (1) I’m bored talking about it and bored thinking about it (2) it was ultimately for the better, because what I am relaunching Flamboyán to be is far more interesting to me because it is far truer to myself.
Being true to oneself is what 2023 ultimately was about. My therapist pointed out to me once that since my marriage ended in 2019, I have been seeking authenticity in all facets of my life. One thing I realized recently is how the 2014–2019 period of my living in Colorado was dedicated to me making friendships, networking connections, and focusing on opportunities and communities outside of the state, and 2019–2023 has been about trying to make a home here. This year I realized that for the most part I’ve gone about this entirely wrong — I wanted so desperately to fit in, I attracted and sought the attention of people who were wrong for me, in the hopes of finding approval in this strange land.
I kept meeting people where they were and not asking that they do the same for me until they were too comfortable to want to. Being a people pleaser and a consummate host, I too often welcomed people into my home with such an accommodating attitude that they’d forget they are still in my house, and this would breed contempt the moment I spoke up. How do you let people in without losing your personal authority?
All of my good relationships in the last couple of years and my current job came about when I was unabashedly myself. In 2024, I am directing my creative energies to do the same.
So enough of 2023, what is in store for ‘24?
2024 will be……The Year of Unapologetic Boricua Energy
- A new Flamboyán Theatre-All Puerto Rican all the time. Other groups in Denver have no problem stressing their Mexican-ness or Chicano-ness and emphasize their experience and perspective on anyone who comes into their circle. Its time I do the same. The common response I’ve gotten when I talk up Puerto Rican stories is — Where is the audience for that? But my play about Puerto Rico was successful by focusing on a human story that also had cultural specificity. Puerto Ricans are the second largest Latino group in Colorado, do we not deserve a space just as Chicanos did once upon a time? Now Chicano arts are thriving, so much so that if you’re Latino and involved with culture or the arts here, you have to cater to Chicano organizations and artists first and foremost. Yet they didn’t start out that way. They had people questioning if their work would have appeal, and they did it anyway. Doing something new or different always invites skepticism from bad actors who are comfortable with the status quo. In 2024, my group is gonna show this town that Puerto Ricans have a place here and our perspective deserves to be heard and discussed. Our art should be taken seriously, especially when we are a minority voice.
2. Return to the island-I turn 40 on June 6, and I am determined to spend it on the island, where I haven’t been back in over a decade. My financial problems the last few years has prevented me from this goal, but now United has cheaper direct flights from DIA and I have a positive outlook financially for ’24, so it's my best chance in years to make the trip happen.
3. Run more races — I did three races last year and for ’24, I want to double that to six. I have not worked out as much as I wanted in December — largely due to a cold that lingered, but also its just been really busy — but that all changes starting January. I have training to do, and goals to reach. I want to do at least two half marathons this year, and the rest of my races will be 5 or 10k’s.
4. Financial independence-I have some prospects coming in the new year, and while I am cautious to put much emphasis on them given the disaster of ’23, I feel they are more possible and that I have more control over my future than I did at the end of last year.
5. More travel in general-With a more reliable car, and if my money situation in fact improves, I will be in a position to travel more, which I very much want to do. I have not been able to visit New York since early 2020, and I would like to see my friends there. I have another friend graduating from grad school in Houston, and I want to visit Cali with my lady at least a couple of times. And who knows where else could be on the list. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was so upset seeing most everyone I know making the most of post-pandemic travel. I want 2024 to be my year to do the same.
6. Increase my cooking skills. As a few people know, since mid-November, I have been cutting back my meat intake and eating vegetarian 4–5 days a week. The effect has been wholly positive. My body feels cleaner and even as I haven’t been able to work out as much lately, I don’t feel out of shape. It has also forced me to learn new recipes and expand how I cook and not just what I cook. I want to learn how to make Indian vegetarian dishes, and more Chinese and Japanese recipes that use tofu. I also want to learn more West African cuisine, which forms a major part of Puerto Rican dishes.
7. Write a new play-I spent a lot of 2023 doing personal, autobiographical writing. I have found that when I have a year like that, it is because I am sorting through ideas and feelings that will form the basis of future fictional stories. I have a couple different plays I’d like to write, and maybe a few narrative stories. There is a style I have wanted to experiment with and ’24 could be the perfect year to try it out. Even with me pursuing getting Empire of Solitude produced, I will have time to dedicate to new material.
8. Improve communication-Raising two teens and being in a long term relationship, communication is vital to sustaining them. But I also see areas of improvement for how I communicate at work, with creative partners, and also with myself. I have some old tendencies that need to be let go of, and I want to hit 40 in a place where the people I care about most know how much I appreciate and love them.